SIC 

These letters were written on the wall, well to be precise they were written on very hideous wallpaper. Late flower power from the look of it. But more interesting was the absence of mucus. Especially since some was used to write on the wall, or wallpaper, in this instance.

“Well, what do you think?” asked inspector Snailstride, the local police detective assigned to the case.
“I think I will have mixed greens tonight for dinner. The radishes are most delicious this time of year.”
“I’m talking about the case, not your dinner plans. By the way, you never told me your mangelwurzel recipe.”
“Well, first you need …”
“The case, Sluggolmes!”
“Right, well obviously the wallpaper is completely hideous. No wonder they wrote ‘sick’ on it. Although it is quite baffling how they did that without any mucus. So whoever has the mucus also has the snail to this shell here.”

The shell in question was one of these new fancy ones. One that curled into a distinct spiral. At least they chose some classic marble colouring. I’m no fan of these shells myself, they are too pointy for my taste and tend to permanently get in the way. How any snail can move in them without toppling over or crashing into others eludes me.

“Since the shell is upside down, whoever did this must have dragged the snail out of it,” I added pointing to the shell on the floor in front of me. “But what I can’t quite understand yet is, why only take the snail and leave the shell here? The shell alone is worth something and there are always buyers out there for the latest fashion trends.”
“That’s exactly the reason why we brought you here, Sluggolmes. To figure this out so I can once more claim the credits for solving a case.” Snailstride sounded impatient. “I have cards for the new mystery play by Aysee Toil tonight and I won’t miss it. So go on, solve this case already.”

Looking around again, I saw nothing new. The letters on the wall, or wallpaper. The shell on the floor in front of it within a snail’s length. The open end of the shell propped up, ready to be wormed into. In fact it looked quite welcoming … Maybe I could give them a chance and try one out myself. But beside the obvious facts I could not see anything else. And this was the most baffling fact of all. Usually there was a snail attached to a shell. Usually there was mucus. Even when the snail themself was already on the verge of drying out completely, there were usually traces of mucus to be found. But this completely dry shell without any traces of any kind of mucus was just mind boggling.

“I must admit, even I’m at my wits end here,” I said between my radula.
“Well don’t just slug around,” Snailstride sounded really upset now. “Do some of your fancy ‘I see that’ and ‘I deduce this’ routine and produce something. Anything at all! I bought these tickets six months in advance and I won’t miss the play!”

I was pouring over the shell again, wondering how it might feel to be wearing one, when a loud voice sounded.
“What the heck are you lot doing with my home? Get away from it you filthy thieves or I call the police!”
“No need for that, we are already here,” remarked Snailstride showing their crest to the newcomer.
Pointing to the shell in front of me I asked “Is this your home?”
The crab answered “That’s what I said, yes,” sounding angry.
“And you are … ?” I trailed off.
“Living in it, yes. Ever since I’m old enough to have one of my own,” sounding angrier.
“And why would you leave it lying here?”
“Ever tried to visit your sibling’s home while you’re home? No? Because it isn’t possible!” The newcomer now sounded even more angry, if that was at all possible. “Now step aside and let me get home.”
“Not until you have answered our questions,” Snailstride slided in. “Starting with who are you and where is this sibling of yours you have allegedly visited? Why is there no mucus? And what about this word on the wall over there?”

To our surprise the newcomer started to laugh. This startled even Snailstride so that they slightly moved aside, just enough for the crab to get to the shell. After settling in they answered in a more calm way. “My sibling lives right here around the corner. You can go on and ask them,” pointing in the general direction. Snailstride gave a sign to the nearest officer to glide off and inspect. “You lot call yourselves the police when you obviously can’t even distinguish between a snail’s shell and a crab’s home.” More laughter followed. “Crabs don’t produce mucus. Even you snails should have heard of this.”
“But what about the mucus on the wall?” I asked pointing to it.
“That’s no mucus. That’s the most tasty fungus around here. That’s the reason my sibling and I live in this area. What, did you think we like the hideous decor here?”
“Fungus?” Snailstride and I asked both sounding puzzled while taking a good look at the letters on the wall, or wallpaper, again.
“At closer inspection, when you stretch really near it, quite before you touch it, you can just discern, that in fact, it is fungus,” I admitted.
“And the letters?” asked Snailstride still staring at them.
The newcomer answered “These old wallpapers got all kind of stuff mixed in. On one of ’em the fungus keeps growing in random patterns. This one seems to look like letters to you lot. To us, it is just gibberish.”

“Another case closed. And even without you this time, Sluggolmes.” Snailstride sounded very pleased with themself. “I even have enough time to get ready before the play. See you next time,” and with this Snailstride was off. I bid the crab farewell and slugged home, in my mind already tasting the greens.