Si'ar Siyu's Webplace

Tag: neurodivergent

  • family gathering haiku

    coming together
    talking, laughing, having a good time
    being present

    — ideally

    sitting in the corner
    watching everyone enjoying themselves
    feeling overwhelmed

    — reality

  • noisy office

    me sitting at the computer
    me trying to concentrate
    me in a room with people constantly talking
    me at another's desk
    me trying to explain something
    me surrounded by ongoing discussions
    me reading my e-mails
    me trying to get things done
    me in an environment of loud noises
    me finally at home
    me trying not to collapse
    me exhausted from being at the office

  • sometimes

    sometimes
    I feel lost
    and lonely
    like I'm all alone
    out there
    sometimes
    I feel the joy
    of the whole world
    resonating
    within me
    sometimes
    I feel the burden
    of being me
    among
    others
    sometimes
    I don't care
    what others
    think or say
    about me
    sometimes
    I feel to much
    and I do care
    what others
    do and say
    to me
    sometimes
    the world is
    a cruel place
    to live in
    sometimes
    I want peace
    and quiet
    without
    fighting
    sometimes
    I want
    belonging
    without
    outing
    sometimes
    I wish
    sometimes
    could be
    every time
    sometimes
    maybe
    all of us
    could be
    a little bit
    more inclusive

    for all of us

  • conflicting rest

    every time I feel the need to rest
    it feels like there is something very important I must do
    every time I rest
    it feels like I am accomplishing nothing
    every time I succumb to exhaustion
    it feels like half a day is gone
    every time I am barely rested
    it feels like I need to make up for unused time
    every time I think about rest
    it feels like I need to justify it to myself

  • break down

    at the faintest sound
    ready to freeze
    at the tiniest glimpse
    ready to run
    at the slightest touch
    ready to fight
    every fiber in the body
    prepared for survival
    ready all the time
    prepared for every occasion
    still building up the tautness
    still tightening more and more
    never feeling any of the tension
    never sensing the strain
    until the tiny cracks appear
    and the muscles tear apart
    a burning sensation
    a lack of strength
    everything tumbling down
    everything breaking apart
    no energy left
    just endless rest

  • daily input

    too bright
    too dim

    too loud
    too noisy

    too pungent
    too fragrant

    too bland
    too savory

    too hot
    too cold

    too tight
    too loose

    too crowded
    too cramped

    too much sensory input
    every day

  • A wild construction site appears

    It starts drilling holes in concrete
    The drilling is very loud and noisy

    You put in ear plugs
    They lessen the noise

    The construction site starts working on metal
    The smell is awful and stings the nose
    Your defense is lowered

    You close the window
    The smell subsides
    The noise can still be heard

    The construction site continues its
    barrage for hours on end

    You can’t take no more and succumb
    to the onslaught on your senses
    You feel your energy completely depleted
    and need to rest, unable to do anything else
    for the remainder of the day …

  • being

    to feel myself I need to touch myself

    to touch myself I need to have a body

    to have a body means to take care of it

    to take care of it is a hassle

    some days

  • rinse and repeat and repeat and repeat

    at least once a day
    taking a shower
    at least twice a day
    brushing teeth
    several times a day
    eating healthy meals
    several times a day
    drinking water
    regular
    exercise
    some days
    it is a hassle to have a body
    to take care of

  • reading

    reading in books
    looking for answers
    finding words

    reading in words
    looking for questions
    finding interpretation

    reading in interpretation
    looking for meaning
    finding minds

    reading in minds
    looking for truths
    finding people