Si'ar Siyu's Webplace

Tag: life

  • libido

    unrelenting force
    deep seated urge
    need to devour
    hunger for more
    never staying satisfied
    always searching
    to feel the high again
    only to begin anew

  • being aroace

    me not wanting to have kids
    me not feeling attraction
    me not understanding what all the fuss is about
    me failing to express myself
    why do I have to reproduce?
    why do I need to fall in love?
    why do I want to exchange bodily fluids?
    me failing to understand expectations
    me finding words
    me finding support
    me finding resources
    me finally able to talk
    me knowing I don't need to do anything
    me knowing there are others like me
    me knowing that I can contribute
    me feeling proud to be asexual

  • sometimes

    sometimes
    I feel lost
    and lonely
    like I'm all alone
    out there
    sometimes
    I feel the joy
    of the whole world
    resonating
    within me
    sometimes
    I feel the burden
    of being me
    among
    others
    sometimes
    I don't care
    what others
    think or say
    about me
    sometimes
    I feel to much
    and I do care
    what others
    do and say
    to me
    sometimes
    the world is
    a cruel place
    to live in
    sometimes
    I want peace
    and quiet
    without
    fighting
    sometimes
    I want
    belonging
    without
    outing
    sometimes
    I wish
    sometimes
    could be
    every time
    sometimes
    maybe
    all of us
    could be
    a little bit
    more inclusive

    for all of us

  • conflicting rest

    every time I feel the need to rest
    it feels like there is something very important I must do
    every time I rest
    it feels like I am accomplishing nothing
    every time I succumb to exhaustion
    it feels like half a day is gone
    every time I am barely rested
    it feels like I need to make up for unused time
    every time I think about rest
    it feels like I need to justify it to myself

  • experience life

    take a picture
    make a flower
    wake a dog
    chant a rhyme
    plant a tree
    grant a wish
    smell a breeze
    repel a weed
    tell a tale
    steam a meal
    esteem a field
    dream a cloud
    create a thing
    rate a herb
    bait a herring

  • Guess what they are?

    they’re out there to get us

    they hunt us

    they stalk us like prey

    lurking behind every counter

    waiting for us, waiting that we make a mistake

    watching every step we take

    coming to life at the slightest sign of weakness

    roaring, pursuing us like the wild animals we are to them

    to be hunted, to be herded into cages, for our own protection they say

    until we do it ourselves and huddle up in our homes

    of fear to go out there

    to encounter more of them

    they’re everywhere

    defining our landscapes, using our spaces, devouring our resources

    and we?

    we encourage and enable them to do what they want

    we watch them day in day out destroying our environment, our livelihood, our means to survive

    until the day we go out there and stand up together for our shared future, take back what is ours, reclaim our spaces and start living, being free again

    Yes, I’m talking about cars.

  • folk dance

    clap clap
    thump thump
    swish swish
    strum strum
    hands in the air
    feet on the ground
    bodies twirling
    instruments playing
    hearing the laughter
    feeling the enjoyment
    everyone's joining
    to celebrate life

  • autopilot

    counting the minutes
    waiting for the bus
    counting the pages
    reading during transfer
    counting the steps
    taking the stairs
    more reading
    more stairs
    more transfers
    when did I lose count?
    around 500?
    around 1000? 
    obviously I don't care any more
    obviously I know the way by heart now
    obviously I am on autopilot

  • resting

    a prickling sensation
    like tiny insects
    crawling through the veins
    stretching legs
    flapping wings
    whipping the tail
    shaking of the tension
    making the insects go away
    feeling the need to rest
    lying down
    curling up
    taking a nap

  • break down

    at the faintest sound
    ready to freeze
    at the tiniest glimpse
    ready to run
    at the slightest touch
    ready to fight
    every fiber in the body
    prepared for survival
    ready all the time
    prepared for every occasion
    still building up the tautness
    still tightening more and more
    never feeling any of the tension
    never sensing the strain
    until the tiny cracks appear
    and the muscles tear apart
    a burning sensation
    a lack of strength
    everything tumbling down
    everything breaking apart
    no energy left
    just endless rest